So, if you've read this blog at all before, you'll know that my step-mom is not my favorite person by any stretch of the imagination. She realizes that neither Dylan nor I are terribly fond of her, but she tries to push a little too hard. It's really hard not to resent her for that. But the other day, I was out playing with Keisha, and when I came home, I overheard Dylan talking and laughing with her. Like old friends.
And then, the biggest insult of all was when he said, "thanks, Mom," to her. I mean, he was joking... but still. That woman is not our mother. First my dad replaced her, and now Dylan is. When I heard that, I ran to my room and slammed the door. I stayed in there crying for a long time and I wouldn't let anyone in.
I never really got to know my mom, but Dad and Dylan did. It isn't fair that they have memories of her and they're letting Lily invade that. Dad has told me that loving Lily doesn't mean we're replacing Mom, and intellectually I understand that. But I can't change how I feel... I just wish someone would try to see it from my perspective. *sigh*
Well, Lily knew I was upset but she didn't really know why. She wanted to cheer me up though, so she came and got me out of school early the next day for a girly day. She took me to lunch, to get a manicure, and to get a new outfit.
It was awkward. Very awkward. This was the first time I was ever alone with her for that long. I know she was trying to be nice, and I appreciated it, but it was another one of those times when she was trying way too hard. We hardly knew what to talk about. And the dress she bought me is so not me. It looks like something she'd wear, but in my size. Again, I do appreciate the gesture, but it was just so... wrong.
So, yesterday morning (the day after our girly day), she got a little upset when she saw me dressed for school in something other than the dress she bought. And then she got even more upset when she saw that I'd kinda scuffed up my manicure a bit. I mean, I'm not sure what she expected... she knows I bite my nails.
Oh, well. I know she's trying hard. Maybe I should be trying a little harder myself. But I just... can't. Not yet.
Thoughts, adventures, life stories, and doses of love from two lovable girls who are completely out of their element.
Hi, this is Kaya.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
I'm sorry this is so hard for you, Lucy. Unfortunately, it's one of those things that just... is hard. And I don't think there's an easy remedy.
When I first moved to where I live now, I felt guilty having a new family, because I was afraid it was like replacing my old family. Especially since I have a biological sister I don't get to live with, it felt weird have other people be my sisters.
It took me some time to get used to it, but now I'm comfortable with the role everyone has in my life. I'm happy to have two families, because each one provides something the other can't, so it's like the two halves make a whole.
I don't blame you for struggling, though. This is tough stuff. I hope that with time, it gets easier.
Love,
Kaya